October 28 

I remember when I was in my twenties and went home to visit my folks for a special weekend. I was very excited - I was leaving two toddlers with my husband to go home for some rest and spoiling by mom and dad! Because I lived several states away, I didn’t get to see them very often. My mom and sister, who lived close to each other, picked me up at the airport for a long ride home. I was so excited to see them and full of news to share with them. However, what happened next left me a little deflated. 

My sister climbed into the front seat while I sat in the back. She and my mom began to talk about local news and all the people they knew. I didn’t know the people they were talking about. I felt strangely left out of their companionship. I longed for them to ask me about me, about my kids, my life but for nearly an hour they talked about their news. I wondered if they even cared I’d come all the way home. Yes, I had a good “pity party.”

I’m sure neither of them realized what was happening. If they had known how I was feeling they would have apologized immediately. They loved me and would not have wanted to hurt my feelings in any way. Perhaps my expectations were unrealistic. And self centered. I wanted to be “spoiled” a little bit again. I was exhausted by the 24/7 demands of young children and something in me longed to be taken care of - just for a short weekend. I wanted to be a child again.

 I learned a lesson from that experience which I’m working on with my adult kids. 

Our five kids are all married and have children. They also live in five different states. When I visit them I try to focus on them. I try not to talk too much about what is happening in the lives of their siblings or their nieces and nephews, unless they ask. Instead, I try to focus on them and their kids. I try to ask what they are thinking, reading, excited about, what the challenges are in their work. I try to focus on the preciousness and uniqueness of their children without comparing them to the other little kids in the family. I try to get inside their lives. This is hard, and I often fail, but it is a goal I’m pursuing. I want each of my adult children and their spouses to feel uniquely special to me. I long to focus and dote on each one and let them be that “special child” again - even for a brief time.